Another planet

Evening,

Late one tonight, I have been watching two programmes that really took all my attention. The first was the Great British Budget Menu highlighting the issue of food poverty. I was so shocked to see a pensioner rationing a packet of soup - half for his lunch and the other half for his dinner. Another was a mother who sacrificed her food so her daughter to eat more leaving herself just a cup of tea for her breakfast and lunch. I felt so ashamed of myself watching it, knowing what I complain about, when thousands of families in the UK are suffering food poverty like this. Some things you really need in-your-face to appreciate reality. The second was India: A Dangerous Place To Be A Woman, another really shocking, we-know-it-goes-on-but..., heavy viewing. Sometimes it is very difficult to fathom why the world is the way it is.

It is a challenge to strike a balance between wanting to be aware of what goes on in the world but at the same time not distressing yourself too much. My cheer-me-up viewing is now The Zoo. Marvellous. Overly amorous armadillos requiring contraceptive implants. Who knew?! Oh my goodness, just seen the new Ikea advert in the break, hilarious!

Anyway, thank you for all the lovely responses about my post yesterday. I'm glad to have got it off my chest actually! Busy day today, and have finished another card which made my youngest smile and say "that's Matthew going 5,4,2,1 blast off!" Cute.

The stamped image is LOTV 'Astronaut' and Craftwork Cards sentiment and Candi.

I would like to enter this card into the Passion for Promarkers Blog Challenge - 'colours of your flag' and I am using Union Jack colours. Also the Lisa.B.Designs Blog Challenge which has the theme of 'blue, red and white'! It was an enjoyable challenge to complete, just using colours I wouldn't normally put together and I think my card would give any four year old (ok most probably a boy) a smile on their birthday - my sons are the official Card Therapy focus group!

My husband is sighing loudly now, so better go...

love Emma x

The Summer I'd Like To Forget

Hi,

Middle of the week again already, summer holidays fast approaching, which means one thing - the panic is setting in about how to keep the boys happy and myself sane over the coming weeks! Plans are afoot, they have to be, it's how I operate. In his wedding speech, my husband even informed everyone that our roles are very clear, he's in charge of morale and I'm in charge of organisation. It's very true.

Play dates, trips out, and visits from Nana are all on the agenda, but I am also acutely aware that similar to a pregnant woman writing a birth plan, I will have no idea how it's actually going to go until the time arrives. In fact I will only really know in hindsight, once summer is over. There are moments when I'm dreading it, even though I love my children dearly. Forgive me if I sound a little dramatic about the impending end-of-term but the memory of summer of 2011 has left a pretty deep scar. An eighteen month old & a new baby, a house move to a different county, and the giving-up of my career to be a SAHM, amongst many other things contributed to a very sharp decline of my mental health. That summer in a few words - terrifying, despondent, and very, very sad. What I knew of postnatal depression before that summer could have been written on a piece of A4 when compared with the thirty volume encyclopaedia I know now. I didn't recognise that something was wrong until my son was 5 months old and even then I certainly didn't relate to the word 'depression'. The word itself sounds gloomy and that bore no relation to my feelings (I felt I just couldn't cope); perhaps that's the reason so many people don't admit to depression, nobody wants others to think they are miserable. Happy people attract others by the nature of their personality and people want to be seen in a positive light. However it's time for the taboo of being open about mental illness to be put to bed. It is not possible to go through life without being affected by mental illness either personally or by experiencing it through a loved one. It's therefore time for greater understanding, compassion, and education to facilitate quick access to help and successful recovery.

I descended into a place I never want to be again. At my worst I could not care for my children, make a meal, or be alone; never mind get dressed or even get up off the floor sometimes. I self-harmed and had suicidal fantasies many times a day (one of them was to go and ask a neighbour to get a gun and shoot me - I can almost laugh when I think about that one, good job it stayed a fantasy!). I am so grateful and lucky to have had the amazing support that I did and still do from my morale-boosting husband and fortunate enough to be admitted into a Mother & Baby Mental Health Unit. This is not easy to admit, nor pain-free to relive by writing about it however I believe it is crucial to be open. I am not ashamed of it, I know I was ill. The fact that just two weeks of medication brought me out of that hole and that 4 months later I was coping again and caring for my children on my own proves that. It is a very sad fact that many thousands of women in the UK will be experiencing some level of postnatal depression right now. Many hundreds of thousands more will be experiencing some level of depression and/or anxiety. Even more, the many other forms of mental illness such as eating disorders, addictions, phobias, post-traumatic stress, and bipolar disorder. The vast array of mental illnesses is hardly surprising given the complexity of the brain and thus should have a much lower threshold for recognition that things can go awry.

The purpose of this blog post is simply to talk about mental illness. Don't be afraid of it, just be aware of it. If you feel your daily life is becoming too difficult to face, tell someone. Get someone on side who cares about you and go to your GP. When you are in the midst of it, it is very tricky to recognise that your life isn't just 'like that' and that's how it will always be. It really isn't, and won't always be like that. But you do need help. Getting referred to the right people is like having a closed door unlocked for you.

I just happened to catch an interview on 'This Morning' yesterday of a very brave woman telling her story just two weeks after an actual suicide attempt, although I do think it somewhat unethical of the producers to put her on live television whilst she is still so vulnerable. However hopefully influential in raising awareness for younger viewers, therefore very praiseworthy, as she is a former star of 'The Only Way Is Essex'. See the interview here.

For me this summer won't be easy, without the fantastic support from the boys' nursery and staff. Last summer I had help at home twice a week by one of the staff members, our very own Mary Poppins! This year she has her own house move on the cards and so I'm on my own. There will definitely be times I will feel like buckling under the strain; when the boys are fighting, I still haven't got the washing on, haven't had time to go to the loo, we didn't make it to the park, there's nothing in for tea, I shouted too much today and the neighbours probably wished they could indeed shoot me, but... I can do it, I can cope and am well now and I have support. But if I really do fall over, I'll ask for help. Most of all, it'll be okay, might even be great!

Some important links for help and support:

Postnatal Depression

MIND

Mental Health Foundation

Arts Therapies

Take care,
Back to my next card therapy creation tomorrow!
Emma x

Watering Can Envy

The end of a long hot weekend, enjoyably spent at home in the garden, with the boys splashing around in the paddling pool, and my husband and I taking it in turns to be on playground duty. My youngest demonstrated his inheritance of the 'wind-up merchant' gene from his father by running off with the clean washing fresh off the line, hurling it into the paddling pool and laughing his head off. The eldest however earned some brownie points by bringing some pink roses home for me from a shopping trip with daddy, it's just a shame I put them in a vase with the flower food but without any water. They don't look so happy now. I swear I must have lost a million brain cells since having children. Hope you have all enjoyed your weekend too, sunbathing, barbecuing, enjoying the tennis, or just keeping the little ones from coming to blows over a watering can.

It seems strange to think that you might sit inside crafting on such a perfect weather weekend, however I'm sure many crafters would agree, a regular fix is as necessary as ice lollies in sunny weather! So in-between bouts in the garden, I retreated into my kitchen corner to work on my father-in-law's birthday card. I don't mind sharing this one ahead of the event as I'm pretty sure keeping up with my blog isn't top of his to do list (or even bottom).

It's quite a simple card:

I have returned to one of my first papercraft interests - teabag folding. I was introduced to this form of origami when I lived in the Netherlands in 1995. Dutch tea bags come in paper packets with beautiful designs on them, and folding them into kaleidoscope patterned shapes is such a simple but effective idea. With four dogs, I think it's fair to say my parents-in-law are dog-lovers which is why I have chosen the image below. The design is from 'Teabag Folding 2' by The Crafthouse Press and the pattern is created with a 'square fold'.

I have put a brad in the centre but that has actually made it a little bulky. It was only at the last minute I remembered my fairly new stash of Card Candi (Craftwork Cards) and it would probably have been better with a Candi in the middle but I settled for adding 3 in the corners instead as I love using them. My next dilemma was which direction to put the stripes on the Card Candi... I settled for diagonally....oooh controversial! The beautiful backing/matting papers are from the 'Dreamcatcher' First Edition pad.

Would love to hear from you if you stop by my blog.
Thanks for looking!
Emma x

Crunchie Day!

Happy Friday!

Finally the temperatures are rising and the grey clouds have disappeared to make way for a sunny weekend! I for one, am glad this week is almost over, it's been a tough one. My back pain reached a whole new level and I really struggled to bear it. However, repairs are underway at the chiropractors and also at home as I have leant on my husband heavily this week, metaphorically and physically/emotionally. The boys have been pretty good this week too and very loving with their mummy - cuddling up to me every time I lay on the floor in pain. So relaxing weekend due for all!

I had already made headway with my baby card as I mentioned in my 'Quickie' post and in-between muscle spasms this week I have managed to finish it! What do you think?

I really love the colours, more adventurous for me, but I think it's bright and happy. The main image is of course, Lili of the Valley 'Little Ducky', which I have coloured with Promarkers and then after several disastrous attempts at the sky, embossed it with Wow! embossing powders pastel blue and opaque bright white. The papers are from a beautiful pad 'Little Boy Blue' by Crate Paper that I bought from Handy Hippo. The little ducks are so cute aren't they?! The ribbon is from a selection box that I won from Fantastic Ribbons a little while ago, I love the two-tone nature of this ribbon, it's perfect for this card. (Available as a single reel 6mm orizzonte-orange). The little blue flowers in the corners were wooden blanks that I have again embossed in pastel blue. The orange flowers are created from Tonic Studios punches. The sentiment is again one of my favourites - Lili of the Valley.

I love this card, will be trying a female version very soon.

Finally check out new charity Mindfull, launched today, it is a mental health service for 11-17 year olds offering online support, information and advice and live chats with mentors, counsellors and health professionals. Help at the stroke of a keyboard - fantastic. They are also recommending mental health education in schools, to encourage openness, prevention and early interventions.

That's it from me today, would love to hear your comments if you stop by!
Enjoy the sunshine,
Emma x

Quickie

Evening all!

Longest gap between blog posts but don't worry my eye isn't off the ball! In view of my long tale in my last post, you'll be relieved to know this will be a quickie! The weather is currently a pile of poo but don't worry this is tomorrow (possibly):



Mmmm lovely!

Onto cards! These are baby cards I made a while ago:

The easel card blanks are from +Craftwork Cards , Spellbinders Lacey circles, Dreamweavers stencil and the really beautiful Lili of the Valley 'Baby Blanket' stamp and sentiment.

I am working on another baby card this week with a new colour for me - orange! Sounds weird for a baby card I know but I really like it! Might be finished tomorrow so will share asap. Depends on my back - off to a chiropractor in the morning to get manipulated, should have gone straight away!

Love Emma x

My Kryptonite

Hi all,

Have you ever been the subject of a gesture or a look from someone passing you (e.g. in a car) and not had time to respond before they're gone? The sense of frustration at not having the right of reply can be maddening. Well, get ready, here comes the tale; this morning my 2 year old son and I were out at the front of our house, in a quiet Close, in a little village. He was stood on the pavement excitedly watching a ride-on mower a few houses along, as boys do. Along came an SUV with a lady driving (I say lady, but am thinking of another word here). She all but came to a halt when she saw my son, and me perhaps 3 metres behind on the drive, and then drove as slow as humanly possible until they were safely past. That's great, you're thinking, how thoughtful!; and I would have thought that too, and given her a little wave in gratitude for spending those few seconds being considerate. But no. Why? Because she took advantage of those few seconds to give me a look that could have turned me to dust, never mind stone, a look of such disgust on her face, it turned a great mood into ever-worsening cycle of negative thoughts about myself.

So this is my reflection. I'm sure a lot of mothers, perhaps fathers too - I'm not sexist; would agree that their Kryptonite would be a critique of their mothering skills. This 'lady' clearly thought I should have closed that 3 metre gap and grabbed my son like a demented harridan at first sight of her vehicle. Although my over active imagination would happily encourage that sort of behaviour, rationally I do prefer an exposure-to-some-risk childhood in order to facilitate learning and good decision-making. I was speaking to my child throughout our time at the front of the house and do think that I was right to offer him a level of trust whilst repeating warnings about the road and the passing SUV as I observed protectively, praising him throughout. He was merely watching what was going on, not running about absent mindedly. So do you:
a) Obsess about the ifs, buts and maybes and think you must be the worst mother in the world.
b) Think perhaps she was right? But then no, I'm happy with my parental decision-making.
c) Shrug it off and forget all about it
d) Not even notice in the first place

My aim is to be a c) but I am mostly/automatically an a). It is my personality/ thinking style and I accept it, whilst having an awareness of the need to keep it under control.  My son and I retreated back into the house as I paced the kitchen letting my thoughts run away with me, "I'm stupid/why didn't I get hold of him/ there must be something wrong with me!" and I felt my breathing quicken as my anxieties were rising. Thankfully now, I can recognise that I am starting to do that and interrupt the cycle. I made myself a drink, thought 'I can blog this - this is useful' and mentally composed my rational side to enable the shrugging.

Excessive anxieties are a symptom of mental illness (link to symptoms and information from the National Institute of Mental Health) and my current status is that I do not have excessive anxieties, however can worryingly easily slip into that state of mind dependent on other extraneous variables at any given time. What I can do, in a good state of mental health, is recognise that it is irrational to extrapolate that you are the worst mother in the world from the look on someone's face!
These are my alternative explanations:
a) The driver is genetically challenged so she can't help the way her face looks
b) She has her own problems causing her to scowl at everyone she sees
c) She was just jealous because my son is more handsome than hers
d) She needed a wee
e) She wasn't thinking anything of the sort
f) She was thinking 'bad mother!' but SO WHAT! I know I am the BEST mother in the world for MY CHILDREN! The worst mothers in the world are in prison, not playing out with their sons.

If you recognise any patterns of irrational thinking in yourself, it is definitely worth a visit to your gp to ask for a referral for talking therapy. You do not have to live with the distress.

Now onto the lighter side of my life and hence the whole reason I do it, my card therapy! This week I have created a card for the Wow! Embossing Powder June Blog Challenge - Nature. It is my first attempt at a blog challenge and it was interesting to see what I could create from a theme. I love +WOW! Embossing Powders so have plenty and it is very easy to use and produce beautiful results. Apologies for the terrible photo - need a better camera!

I have used a Kanban crafts tree stamp with various colours of +WOW! Embossing Powders including Pastel Pink (blossoms) , Earthtone Nutmeg (autumn), Opaque Bright White Superfine (winter), Green Glitz Embossing Glitter (summer), and put a little Clear Sparkle Embossing Glitter on the butterflies on the backing paper (Craftwork Cards - also the big pink flowers - diy curling). I have also used Papermania Copper Embossing powder for the tree trunks and some Ranger Superfine Gold mixed in with the Earthtone Nutmeg and Copper for the autumn tree. The butterfly is from Anna Marie Designs as wooden blank and I have used IndigoBlu's Yorkshire Dales Mega Flakes and a bit of quilling to decorate it. Also used +Spellbinders Paper Arts of course, large circles dies, ribbon tag die and the branch is from the Cherry Blossom dies.

Would love you to leave a comment if you stop by,

It's nearly the weekend!

Emma x

Therapeutic ventures

Good morning all,

I am sat here gingerly this morning with a frozen gel pack against my lumbosacral region as the recent combination of over-exuberant gardening and frequent linen changes of a very low toddler bed has reignited an old back injury caused by my former life as a midwife. Daily contortions around labouring, birthing and breastfeeding women have taken their toll and left me with back which does not appreciate the abuse it is asked to tolerate. However after a careful weekend of intermittent standing, lying, anti-inflammatories, and repeatedly freezing my muscles into submission, I'm relieved to find it slightly improved today. I would have found it unbearable to have another day of inactivity. Although, requesting the husband to take command of all nappy changes has been a pleasant bonus.

It's been bad, but not quite as bad as the last time I seriously injured my back and all attempts to crawl into the car to go to A&E had failed. I was lay on the flags by the front door, with all the neighbours watching excitedly as I writhed around in agony, and my husband thought I needed covering with a quilt to keep warm. The ambulance arrived and my husband was requested to move the aforementioned car to get the ambulance closer to me, which he did hastily, running over my foot in the process, causing a meltdown of epic proportions, the unsympathetic paramedic to insist I get a grip, and me to lie there wishing the husband could just do a job properly for once and finish me off completely. True story without embellishments - you couldn't make it up.

However, on a serious note, being incapacitated requires a mental strength I do not possess, and I really admire the strength of people who suffer but cope with immobility on a more permanent basis. Conversely though I can completely understand the rationale behind the late campaigners Diane Pretty and Tony Nicklinson's fight for the right to die. Controversial and extreme, yes, but prime examples of how mental suffering can be far more devastating than the actual physical suffering. As a person with both professional and personal experience of the devastating effects of mental illness with or without an accompanying  physiological illness, I would advocate any method experienced as helpful to the individual to maintain and improve mental health, be that drug-based, talking therapy, meditation/yoga, something totally different, or any combination of these, placed in no particular order of importance. For my husband, it's running. For me, it's a combination of all of the above, Classic FM, and my card therapy because of the resulting pleasure it brings to both myself during the creative process and the person receiving the end product. Having recently completed my latest bout of talking therapy with a fantastic psychotherapist, and missing the outlet and support those sessions brought, I have been searching for constructive articles to read and found these free guided meditations and also this interesting +Psychologies article '5 Ways to Thrive Without Having Therapy' which others may also find useful.

So, onto my therapeutic card creating of last week! Here is my moving house card:

Made using a combination of Spellbinders dies, ric rac, Tonic Studios punches, +WOW! Embossing Powders in Pastel Pink and Lili of the Valley sentiment, fancy brad and key charm.

I will sign off now with another couple of photos:

One from my garden this morning and the other from a card I made last summer.

Have a lovely Monday everyone, time to go and get hugs and kisses off my little hellraisers,

Emma x